Four Ways to Build Trust Through Vulnerability
Showing vulnerability as a leader can feel counter-intuitive. The traditional line of thinking is that leaders should project strength and certainty. The idea of displaying vulnerability conflicts with that.
While steadiness is absolutely important, the ability and willingness to demonstrate vulnerability is also one of the key methods of building trust as a leader. In today's environment, we have to find a way to do both.
Vulnerability works because it helps to address (though not eliminate) the imbalanced power dynamic between an employee and their manager. Your role automatically affords you more influence on the work and immediate career trajectory of your employees than they have on yours. Offering vulnerability invites some reciprocity into the relationship.
Demonstrating vulnerability is also critical to building a culture of psychological safety. If you expect your team to surface issues early and work through them collaboratively, you need to be willing to model that behavior. Today, I'll walk you through four ways in which you can demonstrate vulnerability to help develop a stronger team…
What you don’t know…
Nobody has all the answers to every situation. Admitting what you don't know acknowledges this and demonstrates some humility in the process. It also sends the signal that you prioritize discovery of the truth over protecting your ego.
What's more important than having all the answers is being able to help your team find the answers. Sometimes this will be tracking down an answer for them and other times it will be guiding them on how to resolve the question on their own.
The experience of shared learning is also far more beneficial to your working relationships than assuming or acting as though you have all the answers.
What you've gotten wrong…
Not having all the answers also means you've made a misstep or twenty in your time. We all have. Being honest about some of these mistakes is another opportunity to show vulnerability in order to build trust.
Start by owning your own mistakes that directly impact your team. These are best addressed in the moment or shortly thereafter. This demonstrates self-awareness and accountability.
The other way to share your missteps is by using your past experience. I'm not suggesting you start broadcasting every bad decision you've ever made. Instead, I recommend sharing key mistakes that eventually turned into useful lessons. This distinction helps to avoid over-sharing which can become burdensome to employees. The intention is to leverage our mistakes to serve our team, not to serve our own emotional relief.
Talking about mistakes and failures is uncomfortable for some people, even when it's a lesson they've already processed. If that's the case for you, start with smaller examples and build from there.
What you're doing to improve…
Sharing what you've gotten wrong leads nicely into also sharing how you are working on improving as a leader.
This is another example of reciprocity at play. As their manager, you should be pretty tuned-in to your employees' goals for professional growth and development. But they typically have very little insight into what you are doing to improve yourself.
Sharing what you are doing for your own development demonstrates the value of self-awareness and growth mindsets. These are things that leaders are constantly looking for more of, but that means we need to demonstrate it ourselves.
How you improve as a leader also has a direct effect on your team, which they are likely to appreciate. Because of this, being open about your development is best reinforced through ongoing discussion and progress towards those goals. It's one thing to say you are working on a particular leadership trait but it's much more powerful for your team to see you actually doing so. In those instances, you're sending a powerful message that you value continuous personal development.
What you need help with…
Asking for help can be used in combination with the other strategies on this list or independently. Once you've shared what you don't know, what you've gotten wrong or what you're doing to improve, you then pivot by inviting others to be part of the story based on their insight and expertise. That's a powerful thing.
Even if you know how to do something, it can be more effective and better for the relationship to ask someone who might be even more skilled at the task. Maybe they bring a different enough perspective to add unique value to the work.
Whatever the reason, be sure to explain why you want their help specifically. You want to avoid pawning-off busy work as that will be counter-productive to building the trust you want.
This Week's Action Items:
In the next week…
Admit when you don't have the answer or information someone is seeking but assure them you'll find the answer by an agreed upon date.
Acknowledge either a current or past misstep that you've made and what has or will change as a result.
Share part of your own development plan with your team.
Ask someone on your team for help based on their experience and skillset.
