Approaching Potential Mentors, Coaches and Advisors
One of the primary hesitations I hear from people about seeking a mentor, coach or advisor is the intimidating prospect of making the actual ask.
I've been on both sides of this conversation a number of times and can tell you that it doesn't have to be as big a deal as we often make it.
In my experience, the best approach actually starts well before you make the actual ask. Here are a few tips on how to do it…
Build rapport
One of the reasons that this type of support seems so intimidating is our tendency to want to make the ask right away. Making this type of ask before you've taken the time to develop a relationship is when it feels most awkward and forced. It feels like asking a secret crush out to prom.
Instead, you should have at least a couple meetings with them to get to know each other a little better. Start by inviting them to a coffee and/or lunch (your treat).
Building a rapport makes the next steps much more natural and comfortable…
Sizing the fit
As you get to know one another, you'll start to get a feeling for whether this is a good fit. There have been a number of instances where I suspected I wanted someone's guidance based on their reputation, only to find out we weren't a good fit for one another.
Have you found your meetings to be helpful and/or engaging? Has their perspective on things been valuable? Where are the two of you aligned? Where are you not aligned? Not being aligned is not a deal breaker, it's just one of many considerations in determining whether this person is a good fit for providing you the type of guidance you are looking for.
Making the ask
You've taken the time to get to know the person and you've determined they are a good fit for what you are looking for. Now it's time to actually make the ask.
The relationship you've built with this person until now will influence how you go about asking. Asking a prospective coach or mentor is usually a little more formal than asking an advisor…but it ultimately all depends on context. If the two of you have quickly developed a close, informal relationship, making a super-formal ask here is going to be weird.
Ultimately you need to choose the approach and phrasing that makes the most sense; however, here are a couple of examples to at least get your thoughts started…
"These conversations have been really helpful as I work on X. Would it be ok if we continue to meet once a month or so to continue the discussion?"
"I could really use a mentor on X, which you clearly have a lot of expertise in. Would you be open to working together on that?"
"I've been looking for a mentor as I make this transition. Your insights in this industry have already been so helpful. Would you be willing to continue these conversations and what would you need from me in order to do so?"
Understand their needs
Asking for another person's guidance is a big ask. In doing so, it's important to respect their needs as well, regardless of their answer.
If their answer is a no or not right now, the best way to respect their needs is by accepting that answer and thanking them anyway.
However, if they agree…you still want to show that you are valuing their time. Let them guide when, where and how the two of you will meet so that it's most convenient to them.
Finally, come prepared to your meetings to avoid using their time for what seems like aimless discussion. You don't want them walking away from future meetings wondering "why are we doing this, again?"
This Week's Action Items:
Take time to get to know one another. At least a couple meetings.
Determine whether the person is the good fit that you expected and/or hoped they would be.
Tailor your ask to the context of the relationship.
Show that you value their time and perspective going forward.
