Reframe Your One-on-Ones for Trust and Performance

If done right, one-on-ones help to build trust in relationships. In the case of an employee and their manager, a strong working relationship built on trust allows both parties to be more open, transparent and invested in that employee's success. This will lead to increased performance and engagement for both. 

I generally recommend weekly one-on-ones unless you have so many directs you need to resort to every other week (think 15+). There are more nuances and considerations that may warrant exception but we'll keep things simple for now.

The biggest mistake a manager can make with one-on-ones is not holding them. The second biggest and more common mistake is for the manager to use this as time to get what THEY want. When done this way, the message to the employee is that this is just another way in which the manager uses their authority for their own needs.

It is a universal desire to be seen, heard & acknowledged. Making the one-on-one focused on the employee's needs goes a long way towards ensuring they know that. Here's just a few ways to go about it…

Their time

Before you schedule one-on-ones, explain to the individual that this is first and foremost their time. They are free to discuss anything they'd like, even if it's not work related.

There is a good chance they will be skeptical. That's fine, because you are going to reinforce this idea by layering the following actions…

Their schedule

Ask your direct to provide a couple dates/times that work best for them and that you'll do your best to accommodate. This will help make the meeting time convenient for them while also setting the tone that this is more their time than yours. By asking for three timeslots, you should receive one you can accommodate.

Their priorities

Since this is their time they should be able to cover their topics first in case time runs short.

They take the entire time? Great. Your items can either wait until next week or you can schedule an ad-hoc meeting if it's really important.

They spend some time talking about their hobbies or what they did over the weekend? Also great. This is a sign they are relatively open with you which is good for the relationship.

I can't say it enough: It's their time, not yours.

Your Undivided Attention

One-on-ones provide a dedicated time for each of your directs to have your undivided attention to discuss whatever is on their mind. If you ensure that your attention is in fact undivided, the simple gesture of dedicating 30+ minutes to them will go a long way in helping to build trust. Accomplish this by putting away your phone, turning off your monitor (assuming you're not on zoom) and listening to understand.